Georgie: Geez, CeeCee. How'd you get food in your hair?
Jim: Yeah, I miss when she was bald. It was our thing.

Jim: Well, be careful. I own a timeshare in Florida 'cause the saleslady looked like Raquel Welch.
Georgie: I don't know who that is.
Jim: Oh, she was a knockout. Had curves in all the right places. She wore this fur bikini in a movie. Man, I still think about it.
Georgie: Fur bikini?
Ruben: Was she cold?
Jim: Get back to work. [exits]
Georgie: [snorts] "Curves in all the right places."
Ruben: Dude is old.

Jim: Well, here's an idea, how about you take some night classes, brush up on your computer skills and get a nice, cushy office job?
Mandy: Office job? Why did I spend six years getting a degree in Communications?
Jim: I asked that question for six years.
Mandy: Well, I'm not giving up on my dream.
Audrey: No one's saying that.
Jim: I am.

Jim: You know, Georgie's right, when you don't hear people laughing, it's hard to know what's funny. [Georgie and Mandy's First Marriage studio audience laughs]

Mandy: Huh, weird.
Audrey: What?
Mandy: Well, this article says to put cabbage leaves in your bra when you're ready to stop breastfeeding.
Audrey: Why would you do that?
Mandy: To help dry up your milk.
Jim: Wh-What happens to the cabbage leaves?
Mandy: That's your question?

Georgie: Good news, my mail's finally coming to this address.
Audrey: Oh, joy. [hits dough with a rolling pin]

Mandy: What's that?
Georgie: My very first credit card.
Mandy: Oh.
Audrey: You never had one before?
Georgie: Nope. Blockbuster card, Subway card. That's it.
Audrey: Not even a library card?
Georgie: [chuckles] Good one.