Georgie: She was worried I was a little too young, so I lied about my age.
Mandy: Mm-hmm. You sure did.
Georgie: Hey, you lied about your age, too.
Mandy: Anyhoo, too much tequila, not enough condoms, here we are.
Beth: Nice.
Georgie: I eventually told her the truth.
Mandy: Yep. And we fell in love.
Beth: That's sweet, you started with lies and ended with love. I went the other way.

Beth: So how did you two meet?
Georgie: She came into the Laundromat I was working at, and I asked her out.
Beth: Laundromat. Sexy.
Georgie: It was really a front for a backroom gambling operation.
Mandy: That sexy enough for you?

Connor: I have a game we can play. I'm a thing. You have 20 questions. Go.
Jim: I don't want to play that.
Audrey: I do. Are you a vegetable?
Connor: No. 19.
Jim: What kind of first question is that? It's too specific.
Audrey: I thought you weren't playing.
Jim: I'm not, but if I was, I'd ask a better first question.
Audrey: Like what?
Jim: Like, "Are you a living thing?"
Connor: No. 18.
Audrey: Great question.
Jim: But now we know it's not alive. It is a good question, right?
Connor: Yes. 17.
Jim: You're counting that?
Connor: Yes. 16.
Jim: Oh, come on!

Jim: Kind of bummed we lost our bridge partners.
Connor: I'll play with you.
Audrey: That's nice, but it's a four-person game.
Connor: We could play something else.
Audrey: How about Scrabble?
Jim: How about something I'm good at?
Audrey: Reading on the toilet is not a game, Jim.

Mandy: Well, why don't you come with me? I know Beth wants to meet you.
Georgie: I ain't gonna get in the way of your girl talk?
Mandy: [chuckles] Girl talk? What's girl talk?
Georgie: I don't know. Guys' butts, panties?
Mandy: Put on a clean shirt, you're coming with me.

Mandy: Hey, uh, my friend Beth invited me over to her place tonight.
Georgie: Oh, I think your parents were hoping we'd play cards.
Mandy: Yeah, I'm well aware.

Georgie: "Then he nibbled a hole in the cocoon, pushed his way out, and he was a beautiful butterfly." But you knew that. 'Cause Daddy's read this story 118 times.

Ruben: You know, after work on Fridays, me and my buddies play a little half-court basketball.
Georgie: Cool.
Ruben: Yeah, and after we grab pizza and beer.
Georgie: Sounds fun.
Ruben: [chuckling] It is. It really is. [walks off]
Jim: I've gone with them. It's a good time.

Georgie: I don't know, Mandy's just got in my head about us having a social life.
Jim: So? You must have lots of friends.
Georgie: I do. I mean, I did. Maybe I don't.
Jim: Well, hang in there. When CeeCee gets a little older, she'll make friends and you'll pretend to like their parents.
Georgie: Maybe I will like 'em.
Jim: You won't, they're awful.

Georgie: When you got married, did you still have other friends?
Jim: Oh, yeah, tons.
Georgie: What about after you had kids?
Jim: Oh, no, life as I knew it ended.
Georgie: But you were fine with that, right?
Jim: I get the feeling you want me to say yes.

Georgie: Well, just so you know, your daughter and I had a pretty fun night, too. She discovered farting in the bathtub.
Mandy: Aw, and I missed it?
Georgie: Don't worry, if she's anything like her daddy, she'll do it again.

Mandy: It was so nice to hang out with a woman who didn't give birth to me.
Georgie: Well, a couple pretty women at the bar, you must have gotten hit on.
Mandy: Actually, not at all.
Georgie: Oh. Well, they must've saw your wedding ring and didn't want to be disrespectful.
Mandy: Good. Yeah. That's why.

Georgie: Did you have fun?
Mandy: It was okay.
Georgie: Mandy...
Mandy: I had a nice time.
Georgie: Mandy...
Mandy: Okay, I had a great time. [sighs]
Georgie: Good, I'm glad.

Mandy: Hey. What are you still doing up?
Georgie: Just watching Rambo III. You'd think it'd answer a lot of questions from I and II, but it don't.

Beth: No, it's fine, I got my son, my freedom, now it's my turn to have fun.
Mandy: And, now, when you say "fun," you mean...
Beth: Sex with men I barely know.
Mandy: Okay, well, I won't be doing that, but I will be cheering for you.
Beth: Thank you!
Mandy: You go, hoebag.

Mandy: Huh. Look at me. It's after 9:00, I'm not only out, I'm awake.
Beth: And your husband didn't mind staying home with the baby?
Mandy: Oh, no, he loves it.
Beth: That's nice. My ex loved babies, too.
Mandy: Why'd you break up?
Beth: He made a baby with another woman.
Mandy: Oh. Sorry.
Beth: No, it's okay. Yeah, he's that bitch's problem now.
Mandy: Man, I hate bitches.

Mandy: Hi, can I get anything else for you or your wife?
Older Man: No, she's my sister.
Mandy: [whispers to Beth] Oh, my God.

Beth: Hey, I'm gonna grab a drink when we get off. You want to come?
Mandy: Wow, I can't remember the last time I went out for a drink.
Beth: Is that a yes?
Mandy: I-I don't know, my husband's at home with the baby.
Beth: Well, if it's too much trouble...
Mandy: Oh, no, it's no trouble, I'm coming.

Beth: Oh, my God, how long does it take to finish a slice of pie?
Mandy: I know, but it's kind of romantic the way they look at each other.
Beth: What makes you think they're a couple? Maybe they're brother and sister in some kind of sick relationship.
Mandy: [scoffs] What is wrong with you?
Beth: I'm not rooting for it. I said it was sick.

Georgie: In the meantime, you're looking pretty good for an old lady.
Mandy: Oh, really? Is that so?
Georgie: That is so. What do you say I get you out of them bloomers and see what happens?
Mandy: "Bloomers"?
Georgie: Ain't that what you old biddies wear under your frock?
Mandy: Please stop talking.