Georgie: Mandy, selling is in my blood. It's what I do. Why can't you just let me help you?
Mandy: Because I wanted to do it on my own.
Georgie: That's just crazy. If I was trying to be a waitress in a diner, I'd ask you for help. Now, see, that right there, that is what an idiot sounds like.

Audrey: What's going on?
Mandy: My husband thinks I'm an idiot.
Georgie: No, I don't.
Mandy: You just think I suck at sales.
Georgie: Which don't make you an idiot.
Audrey: He's right. "Which don't."

Jim: You know how to use the fabric softeners and whatnot?
Connor: There's instructions on the bottle.
Jim: Right. Good for you. So all these years your mother did your laundry, you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself?
Connor: Yes.
Jim: Why didn't you ever do it?
Connor: No one asked me.
Jim: So if I asked you to... clean the bathroom, do the dishes, take out the garbage, you would?
Connor: Yes.
Jim: [chuckles softly] Okay. Well, then... do those things.
Connor: Okay.
Jim: [quietly to himself] This is crazy.

Georgie: Hey, maybe instead of just launching right into your sales pitch, you try to find something personal you can connect about.
Mandy: I got this, Georgie.
Georgie: Watch this. [to a man who's wearing a Texas Longhorns sweater] Hook 'em, Horns.
Marty: Hell yeah.
Georgie: That game against A&M, they got robbed.
Marty: What's all this?
Georgie: A scientifically designed diet system. Here, try one. Not only tastes great it's developed by doctors to help you drop weight jiffy quick.
Marty: I could probably lose a few. How much?
Georgie: Oh, normally $15. But we're having a special: two for $20.
Marty: Well, then give me two. [an unhappy Mandy grabs the cash from his hand]
Georgie: Get ready to wear smaller clothes, my friend. See you at the beach! [to Mandy] Look at that, your first sale!

Mandy: Hi! Would you like to sample one of our delicious diet shakes or nutrition bars? [man keeps walking] Okay, maybe on the way out! Hi, ma'am, would you like to sample one of our delicious diet shakes? Not that I think you're fat! 'Cause I don't!
Georgie: Hey.
Mandy: Hey, what are you doing here?
Georgie: Oh, just wanted to come check in on my favorite saleslady. How's it going?
Mandy: Good. Uh, passing out samples, getting people excited about the product. [to woman leaving the store] Oh, excuse me, may I interest you in a free sample of a... [she keeps moving] I'm a person! I have feelings!

Audrey: You want to tell him?
Jim: I kind of do.
Audrey: Go for it.
Jim: [gets out of bed] Hey, uh, just so we're clear, I'm gonna tell him we agreed on this. I don't want him coming to you and playing us against each other.
Audrey: Smart.
Jim: All right. [turns back to Audrey] Ooh. What if he gives me a hard time?
Audrey: Then he will have dirty clothes.
Jim: Consequences. That's good.

Jim: You could at least make him chip in around the house, you know, maybe do his own laundry.
Audrey: That seems fair.
Jim: Really?
Audrey: Yeah.
Jim: Hmm.
Audrey: What?
Jim: I wasn't prepared to win an argument.

Audrey: You know, she's not a little girl anymore. You can't keep coddling her.
Jim: [scoffs] You coddle Connor. What's the difference?
Audrey: He's a late bloomer.
Jim: He's 26. He bloomed. This is the bloom.
Audrey: You know very well he requires a little extra love.
Jim: He requires a swift kick in the ass.
Audrey: [scoffs] You don't mean that.

Jim: You know, I was thinking, maybe we should buy some of Mandy's diet crap. You know, get her started.
Audrey: Really? Have you forgotten the Girl Scout cookies? The crying, the tantrums. "Daddy, nobody buys my cookies."
Jim: She ended up selling a bunch.
Audrey: To you.
Jim: Oh, like you don't enjoy a Thin Mint out of the freezer.

Audrey: If you're not gonna quit, what's the plan?
Mandy: Well, door-to-door's a waste of time. I need to set up someplace people come to me. Maybe in front of a grocery store or something.
Georgie: Lot of foot traffic, people feelin' guilty about junk food. That's smart.
Mandy: Yeah, that's why I said it.
Georgie: Go team.

Audrey: You spent $1,200 to sell diet food to Texans?
Mandy: Georgie thought it was a good idea.
Georgie: I was tryin' to be supportive.
Mandy: So you were lying?
Georgie: I was supportin'.

Georgie: Yeah, when I was young, I tried sellin' door-to-door. It was rough.
Mandy: Yeah, how young?
Georgie: Oh, real young, 16.
Mandy: So three years ago.
Georgie: That's a big chuck of my life. The point is is I got better.
Mandy: Oh, good for you.
Georgie: [to Jim] I see why you stopped talkin'.

Audrey: So? How'd it go?
Mandy: Great. Just great.
Jim: It's important to keep in mind, selling is like an art. You know, it takes time to learn the... [off Mandy's look] Somebody else talk.

[montage of people opening their apartment door to Mandy:]
Mandy: Hi. I'm Mandy McAllister. I'm the NuvoTrim sales rep in the... [door slams shut]
Mandy: Hi. I'm Mandy McAllister. Uh... [door slams shut]
Mandy: Uh... Hi. I'm Mandy... [door slams shut]
Mandy: [whimpers] [inhales] [door slams shut] I didn't even say anything!

Mandy: Hi. I'm Mandy McAllister. I'm the NuvoTrim sales rep in this area. I just wrapped things up with your neighbor and she...
Colleen: Which neighbor?
Mandy: Well, right next door.
Colleen: Joan gave you money? She owes me money.
Mandy: Well, I don't really know about...
Colleen: Joan! Joan! [knocks on door] Why are you buying crap from this bimbo when you owe me for the lotto tickets?! [continues knocking] I know you're in there! Joan!

Mandy: Hi. I'm Mandy McAllister. I'm the NuvoTrim sales rep in this area. I just wanted to introduce myself and see if you had a few minutes to hear about our exciting products.
Joan: How did you get in this building?
Mandy: Oh, well, I waited till somebody was coming out... [Joan slams the door shut]

Georgie: Just so I'm clear, are you competing with me or are we on the same team?
Mandy: [scoffs] How can you even ask that? Of course we're on the same team.
Georgie: Okay, let's do it.
Mandy: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Georgie: Just a word of warnin', sales is not as easy as you think.
Mandy: It's not? I just got you to fork over 1,200 bucks. God, I am so turned on right now.

Mandy: Well, here's the thing you know that old saying, "You gotta spend money to make money?"
Georgie: Uh-huh.
Mandy: Well, there you go.
Georgie: How much?
Mandy: Well, obviously I'd make it back real fast.
Georgie: How much?
Mandy: And keep in mind, sales is all about communication. And what do I have a degree in?
Georgie: Are you gonna tell me or not?
Mandy: It's $1,200.
Georgie: That's my whole commission from the school account.
Mandy: Meant to be, huh?

Mandy: So it's basically selling vitamins, and diet shakes, and health bars. And I can make my own schedule so I can keep my job at the diner and I can still be here for CeeCee.
Georgie: Have you ever worked in sales?
Mandy: No, but how hard can it be selling diet stuff to Texans, everybody's chunky.

Female D.J.: [on radio] We'll be back with more of today's hits right after this.
Announcer: [on radio] Do you feel like your potential isn't being maximized?
Mandy: Oh, you got to be kidding me.
Announcer: Could you use some extra money?
Mandy: Does a bear crap in the woods?
Announcer: Would you like to be your own boss?
Mandy: I don't care, just say how to do it.