Mandy: Hey. What are you still doing up?
Georgie: Just watching Rambo III. You'd think it'd answer a lot of questions from I and II, but it don't.

Georgie: Well, just so you know, your daughter and I had a pretty fun night, too. She discovered farting in the bathtub.
Mandy: Aw, and I missed it?
Georgie: Don't worry, if she's anything like her daddy, she'll do it again.

Georgie: "Then he nibbled a hole in the cocoon, pushed his way out, and he was a beautiful butterfly." But you knew that. 'Cause Daddy's read this story 118 times.

Jim: Kind of bummed we lost our bridge partners.
Connor: I'll play with you.
Audrey: That's nice, but it's a four-person game.
Connor: We could play something else.
Audrey: How about Scrabble?
Jim: How about something I'm good at?
Audrey: Reading on the toilet is not a game, Jim.

Connor: I have a game we can play. I'm a thing. You have 20 questions. Go.
Jim: I don't want to play that.
Audrey: I do. Are you a vegetable?
Connor: No. 19.
Jim: What kind of first question is that? It's too specific.
Audrey: I thought you weren't playing.
Jim: I'm not, but if I was, I'd ask a better first question.
Audrey: Like what?
Jim: Like, "Are you a living thing?"
Connor: No. 18.
Audrey: Great question.
Jim: But now we know it's not alive. It is a good question, right?
Connor: Yes. 17.
Jim: You're counting that?
Connor: Yes. 16.
Jim: Oh, come on!

Audrey: Okay, so we know it's not musical. We know it's not a machine. But it is man-made.
Jim: Got to be smart about this.
Audrey: You're the one who wasted two questions.
Jim: Well, they shouldn't have counted.
Connor: But they did, didn't they?

Jim: Okay. We know it's not a tangible object.
Audrey: It can't be bought. It's odorless. And it's in this room right now.
Jim: We only have one question left. We have to guess.
Audrey: What are you thinking? [Jim whispers in Audrey's ear] Agreed. Go for it.
Jim: Are you time?
Connor: Ooh, good guess.
Jim: Did we get it?
Connor: No.
Jim: Son of a bitch!
Audrey: Damn it!
Jim: So, what was it?
Connor: Sorry, you're out of questions.
Jim: You're really not gonna tell us?
Connor: Thanks for playing. [exits]
Audrey: You get back here right now and you tell us!
Jim: I don't know why you like him.

Mary Cooper: This is a nice surprise.
Georgie: Just wanted to drop off some of CeeCee's old clothes for the donation room.
Mary Cooper: Oh. Are you sure you don't want to hang on to these in case you have another one?
Georgie: Oh, we ain't planning on another one just yet.
Mary Cooper: You weren't planning on the first one, either.
Georgie: Fair point.

Jim: Maybe next year, we can take CeeCee to the Macy's Parade.
Audrey: [gasps] You're not taking my granddaughter to New York City. She'll come back a Democrat.
Mandy: She's a baby.
Audrey: A God-fearing, Republican baby.

Meemaw: So, how's it going? My little great-granddaughter saying "meemaw" yet?
Mandy: No, just "dada." Pisses me off.
Dale Ballard: Uh, enjoy it. My kid doesn't even talk to me anymore.
Meemaw: Why bring it up?
Dale Ballard: It's called making conversation.

Georgie: Ooh, what's this?
Audrey: Well, that's cranberry sauce.
Georgie: Why ain't it shaped like the can?
Audrey: It's homemade.
Georgie: Huh. Maybe next year we should spring for the good stuff.

Jim: Why you all dressed up?
Connor: I was told to look nice for company.
Jim: That meant take a shower.
Connor: Oh. Be right back.

Mandy: Okay, how do I look?
Jim: Beautiful as always.
Audrey: A little too much cleavage.
Mandy: Well, when I'm not working for tips, I'll cover up.
Audrey: Is that the lesson you want to teach your daughter?
Mandy: Are you kidding? These are all I am to her.

Georgie: It's a nice car you got.
Valerie: Well, God is good.
Georgie: Oh, you're one of them.
Valerie: "One of them"?
Georgie: I don't mean nothing by it. My mom's one of them, too.
Valerie: Blessed with the abundance of God's love?
Georgie: Yep, definitely one of them.

Georgie: Hey, what do you think about coming to church with me on Sunday?
Mandy: Church? You want pancakes, just tell me.
Georgie: No, this lady I towed last night was telling me how her church is all about prosperity and making money.
Mandy: So?
Georgie: So, those are two of my favorite things.

Mandy: We're not really church people.
Audrey: Why would you say that? Of course we are.
Jim: When was the last time we went to church?
Audrey: When Georgie's father... I don't recall.

Georgie: Mandy?
Mandy: Well, Sunday's my one day to sleep in, but if you want to go, you should go.
Georgie: All right. What about you, CeeCee? You want to come to church with Daddy?
Audrey: Hands off, she's Catholic.

Georgie: And here's a free air freshener. Has our number right on it. And it smells like apple pie.
Man: How about that? [exits]
Georgie: [into dictaphone] Money making idea: A little pocket in your underwear that you can slide an air freshener into.

Mandy: You look nice.
Georgie: Thanks. Last chance to come to church with me.
Mandy: Sorry, today's a strict no-bra day.

Georgie: You know, there's a Bible study Wednesday. You want to come?
Mandy: Oh, wow, we really need to work on your dirty talk.
Georgie: [chuckles] Sorry, I just think you really might like it.
Mandy: Thanks, but I don't need to watch you sell tires to a bunch of Bible thumpers.
Georgie: It ain't about that. It's actually kind of working.
Mandy: W-What are you talking about?
Georgie: I'm making more money and you want to have day sex. That's everything I've ever prayed for.