Audrey: Before you leave, would you take a look at the toilet in our bathroom?
Jim: Oh, you just have to jiggle the handle.
Audrey: I prefer not to jiggle, Jim.

Georgie: You'll be okay with CeeCee while I'm gone?
Mandy: Of course.
Audrey: Plus, Grandma's here.
Connor: And I can always lend a hand.
Jim: Have you ever even held a baby?
Connor: I've held an accordion. How different can it be?
Jim: You don't squeeze a baby.
Connor: Got it.

Georgie: It's kind of exciting, your dad talking about me taking over the store someday.
Mandy: Mm-hmm. You're gonna be the tire king of Medford.
Georgie: Forget Medford. I'm gonna be the tire king of Texas.
Mandy: And does the tire king of Texas still live with my parents?
Georgie: Hell no. He's got a giant house.
Mandy: Ooh. I like that.
Georgie: Oh, and a big old pool in the shape of a tire.
Mandy: So a circle.
Georgie: Well... yeah.

Georgie: I can't wait to meet the Hankook tire guys.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Georgie: I learned how to say "hi" in Korean. Annyeong.
Jim: How'd you learn that?
Georgie: Called Sheldon. He also taught me, hwajangsil-eun eodie.
Jim: What's that mean?
Georgie: Where's the bathroom?
Jim: Why does your brother know Korean?
Georgie: Why does he know Klingon? I've learned not to ask.

Jim: Listen, this weekend's happening. You might as well have fun.
Georgie: Can I even get into a casino? I ain't 21.
Jim: Oh, you're telling me Georgie Cooper don't have a fake ID?
Georgie: You're starting to get on my nerves.
Jim: [laughs] That's what I thought.

Connor: Okay. This is a song about me and you. [backing track plays] [sings] ♪ ♪ Now this right here's a story ♪ ♪ About a baby and a man ♪ ♪ One day they got together ♪ ♪ And decided to form a band ♪ ♪ Now the baby didn't do much ♪ ♪ And the man wrote all the songs ♪ ♪ But it didn't seem to matter ♪ ♪ With how well they got along ♪ ♪ Baby-man, baby-man ♪ ♪ One member is a baby ♪ ♪ And the other is a man ♪ ♪ Baby-man, baby-man ♪ ♪ Believe me you will never see ♪ ♪ A spectacle so grand ♪

Connor: What's wrong with her?
Mandy: Oh, she had a couple beers.
Audrey: I had a couple beers. [slaps Connor's thigh]
Mandy: And a couple shots.
Audrey: Tequila!
Mandy: Is everything okay with CeeCee?
Connor: Sound asleep.
Audrey: [holding Connor's face] Oh, we need to find you a girl so you can have your own babies. [to Mandy] When are you gonna have more? You're not getting any younger.

Jim: Where'd you learn to play blackjack like that?
Georgie: My meemaw taught me.
Jim: Well, that figures. How much you up?
Georgie: She also taught me to never answer that question.
Jim: Aw, come on, I'll tell you how I did.
Georgie: I watched you play. I know how you did.
Jim: Yeah, well... I'll make it back tomorrow.
Georgie: Not if you keep hittin' on a 12 when the dealer shows a six.
Jim: I had a feeling.

Georgie: Hey, you know the rule, whoever finishes the coffee's got to make more.
Ruben: That's the rule, huh?
Georgie: Yeah.
Ruben: And who made the rule?
Georgie: Well, uh, me.
Ruben: Cheers.
Georgie: Without rules, we got anarchy!

Jim: I need you to cover the store this weekend.
Georgie: Where are you gonna be?
Jim: Tire convention in New Orleans.
Georgie: And you ain't taking me?
Jim: Why would I?
Georgie: Well, a tire convention's like going to Dollywood, but better 'cause there's tires.

Georgie: So you told him?
Jim: No, that's why the door's shut.
Georgie: Well, I don't want to tell him.
Jim: Son, dealing with disgruntled employees is part of the job.
Georgie: Then why don't you do it?
Jim: Well, I'm dealing with you. You're disgruntled. I'm done.
Georgie: Fine.
Jim: This is good for you.
Georgie: You mean it's good for you.
Jim: Same thing.

Georgie: Ruben, just a heads-up. Mr. McAllister's going out of town, and he's leaving me in charge.
Ruben: That makes sense. You have been here several months.
Georgie: Just so you know, I don't even think of it as me being in charge. I think of us more as partners, like Tango and Cash.
Ruben: I don't know what that is.
Georgie: You ain't never seen Tango & Cash? Kurt Russell, Sylvester Stallone?
Ruben: Go make coffee.
Georgie: Yes, sir.

Mandy: Where you going?
Jim: New Orleans, tire convention.
Mandy: Oh. Are you taking Georgie?
Jim: Why would I?
Mandy: Why wouldn't you? He's great at networking, people like him.
Connor: I'm a fan.
Georgie: Thank you, Bubba.

Georgie: So can I?
Jim: You really want to?
Georgie: I do.
Jim: Okay, fine. I'll tell Ruben he has to run the shop.
Georgie: I'll tell him.
Jim: No, this is good news. Boss gets to give the good news.

Audrey: So, all these years, I've offered to go with you, and you've always said no.
Jim: Well, I just didn't think you'd care about a bunch of dudes talking about advances in tire treads.
Georgie: Goodyear's got this new Aquatred. It's designed to shed water twice as fast as a normal tire. It's something else.
Jim: See?

Georgie: "The Goodyear Regatta is a long-wearing, quiet-riding, touring radial. It has a wide tread for responsive handling."
Mandy: Are you reading her a tire catalogue?
Georgie: It ain't about the story. It's about the performance.

Georgie: It's gonna be hard to be away from her.
Mandy: What about me?
Georgie: It's different. You already got teeth and know how to walk.
Mandy: I am the whole package.

Jim: We're not going to the convention.
Georgie: Where we going?
Jim: To a riverboat casino.
Georgie: I don't understand.
Jim: Well, it's the same as a regular casino, only it floats.
Georgie: So this whole trip's a lie?
Jim: Not the whole trip. Just the part about the convention and us going to it.

Georgie: Well, why'd you even invite me?
Jim: Uh, I didn't invite you.
Georgie: What am I supposed to tell Mandy?
Jim: Just tell her that we went to a tire convention.
Georgie: I don't want to lie to my wife.
Jim: Oh, don't think of it as a lie.
Georgie: Then what is it?
Jim: It's more of a yarn, tall tale, you know, make-'em-ups.
Georgie: What?

Jim: Look, just don't tell Mandy! All right? She'll tell Audrey, and then I'm in for it.
Georgie: Oh, Mr. McAllister, this is not a good color on you.
Jim: Look, you're making too big a deal out of this. Okay? We're gonna have a great time. Look, no one gets hurt, and we can talk about tires all you want. Isn't that basically what happens at a convention?
Georgie: No!
Jim: Oh, how would you know? You ain't never been to one.