Ruben: Why are you reading Cosmo?
Georgie: Trying to learn how women think. Did you know there's a lot of dirty stuff in here?
Ruben: Are there pictures?
Georgie: Sometimes.
Ruben: Hmm.
Georgie: Listen to this, "The Health Benefits of Sex." "Travels in His... Erogenous Zone"? I don't know what that is.

Georgie: I figure, with just a few changes, we could be the only woman-friendly tire store in town.
Mandy: This ought to be good. What changes?
Georgie: For starters, we got some lady magazines for the waiting area.
Jim: And flavored creamers for the coffee.
Georgie: Fat-free. Y'all like fat-free.

Mandy: I don't know, Georgie, it kind of seems like the frog and the boiling water.
Georgie: What's that?
Mandy: Well, it's a metaphor. The frog is in a pot of water, and the heat gets turned up little by little so it doesn't notice it's boiling.
Georgie: Who's boiling a frog?
Mandy: It doesn't matter.
Georgie: Are they making frog soup?
Mandy: It's not a real thing.
Georgie: Oh, good, 'cause I would not eat frog soup.
Mandy: I-I'm just saying, my mom's gradually starting to like you, so maybe don't turn up the heat too fast.

Audrey: You worried about me and you spending so much time together?
Jim: What? No. Dream team.
Audrey: What about me and Georgie?
Jim: Very worried.
Audrey: Me, too.
Jim: Well... [sighs] ...you could try being nice to him.
Audrey: I know, but sometimes his sunny optimism just makes me want to tear him apart with my words.
Jim: [chuckles] That's a joke, right?
Audrey: Of course.
Jim: I want to believe you.

Mandy: What you doing?
Connor: Uh, a pan in the dishwasher's making a cool rhythm.
Mandy: So, you're not on any drugs at all, this is just you?
Connor: I do take a multivitamin.
Mandy: Are you snorting it? [exits]
Connor: Who needs a drummer? I got a Maytag.

Connor: Can I get your opinion on something?
Mandy: Sure.
Connor: I made a song out of the sounds of our house.
Mandy: Cool.
Connor: It's called "The Sounds of Our House."
Mandy: Clever.
Connor: [song of household appliance noises plays] That's the dishwasher. Vacuum. Front door.
Mandy: Huh. This is actually fun.
Connor: I'm actually fun. [CeeCee crying over recording]
Mandy: [gasps] Is that CeeCee?
Connor: She got the solo. [modulated crying] [toilet flushes over recording]
Mandy: So what's your question?
Connor: How great is this?
Mandy: It's pretty great.
Connor: I know.

Georgie: [sniffing] Smell this.
Mandy: I will not.
Georgie: I just want to know if I can wear it again.
Mandy: Well, I think if you have to ask, you have your answer.
Georgie: Great. [puts the shirt on]

Mandy: Well, I'm a woman, Georgie. They talk down to me and then they hit on me.
Georgie: Well, that's got to feel nice.
Mandy: No.
Georgie: There's places I get treated different, too, 'cause I'm a man.
Mandy: Really? Like where?
Georgie: Uh, like when I take CeeCee to the park. All the moms act like I'm some kind of hero for taking care of my kid.
Mandy: That's your example?
Georgie: Yeah, and then they hit on me. [off Mandy's look] It-it was horrible?

Georgie: Hey, let me ask you something, why didn't your wife bring it in?
Don: I don't know. She makes me do the car stuff.
Georgie: Mm. Hmm. Makes sense. You think there's anything in here that would make her feel uncomfortable?
Don: Why?
Georgie: I just think it'd be great if this were a place your wife wanted to come.
Don: Why do you want my wife to come here?
Georgie: No, not just your wife, any wife. And not just wives - moms, daughters, we want 'em all.
Don: Okay.
Georgie: [to Don] Hey, tell your wife, McAllister Auto loves the ladies.

Georgie: You ever wonder why we don't get many women customers?
Jim: Not after that.
Georgie: Well, I've come to realize there's some places women don't feel welcome, and I don't want this to be one of 'em.
Jim: Well, cars are just more of a guy thing.
Georgie: Women drive cars, too.
Ruben: That's why there's so many accidents, am I right? [Jim and Ruben laugh]
Jim: You might be onto something.

Georgie: "11 Secrets of World-Class Lovers."
Ruben: 11? I only got 2, 3 tops.
Georgie: "Number one: Communication."
Ruben: Mm, next.
Georgie: "Number two: Be enthusiastic."
Ruben: Brother, if a girl's getting naked, I'm enthusiastic.
Georgie: Agreed.
Ruben: Mm-hmm.
Georgie: "Number three: Engage the senses."
Ruben: What's that mean?
Georgie: Mm, "Soft lighting, scented candles."
Ruben: Ugh, boring. Next.
Georgie: Ooh, this is good. "When to lick and when to bite."
Ruben: Ooh.

Jim: What are you jackasses doing?
Ruben: Learning about women.
Georgie: Uh, for business purposes.
Ruben: Mm-hmm.
Jim: How does "licking and biting" help business?
Georgie: Well, that one don't, but there's other things in here that can.
Ruben: Wait, go back, what are we licking, what are we biting?
Jim: Go back to fixing cars.
Ruben: Okay, okay. [exits]
Jim: So what's the answer?

Jim: We picked up a few of them fancy-smelling candles.
Mandy: Did you at least clean the bathroom?
Georgie: Don't need to. We got candles.
Mandy: Did it ever occur to you to ask a woman what she'd like?
Jim: No.
Georgie: In our defense, there weren't none around. [Mandy points to herself and Audrey]
Jim: And now there are. So what you got?
Audrey: Well, first of all, candles are not cleaning products.
Georgie: [scoffs] At 12 bucks a pop, they should be.
Jim: You spent 12 bucks on a candle?
Georgie: It was lavender.

Mandy: Candles aren't gonna change anything. Tire stores are just kind of a dude space.
Georgie: Okay, well, what if a woman worked there?
Jim: Mm. I can't afford another employee.
Georgie: Well, Mrs. McAllister could do it.
Audrey: You want me there?
Mandy: [laughing] You want her there? [off Audrey's look] Oh, you were surprised, too.

Audrey: I suppose I could come in a few days a week. [chuckles] Jim, what do you think?
Jim: Um... always love having you around.
Audrey: Nice try.
Jim: No, honey, really, it's great.
Georgie: Just move on.
Audrey: You want to make the store more woman-friendly, first thing we do is clean the bathroom.
Jim: [grunts] Fair enough. [sniffles] [sighs] Probably gonna need a toilet seat, too.
Mandy: Oh, my God.

Georgie: Can I tell you a secret?
Mandy: Sure.
Georgie: When I was little, I had one of those stuffed frog toys.
Mandy: Uh-huh?
Georgie: It freaked me out.

Audrey: Good morning, Ruben.
Ruben: Oh. Hey, Mrs. McAllister. This is a nice surprise.
Jim: Yeah, she gonna be helping us out up front for a while.
Ruben: Phasing Georgie out. Love it.
Jim: We're not phasing anyone out.
Georgie: [enters] Hey.
Ruben: Oh, come on, he's right there. Do it.

Georgie: You try any of those flavored creamers? Hazelnut's pretty tasty.
Audrey: I prefer half-and-half.
Georgie: You know, I have always wondered, what's the half and what's the other half?
Audrey: It's cream and milk.
Georgie: Hmm, kind of a letdown.
Jim: How we doing over here?
Georgie: Great. She's a fountain of information.
Audrey: Drink from me.

Jim: So what's the plan?
Audrey: Well, for starters, I think I'm gonna go buy some plants, flowers. Ooh, maybe a little music.
Georgie: Mm, engaging the senses. [chuckles] That's right out of Cosmo.
Audrey: And this floor, does it bother you that it's sticky?
Jim: Well, no, that's a safety precaution. Yeah. Never had a slip and fall.
Audrey: Jim, it's filthy.
Jim: Well, we're not eating off it, we're walking on it.
Audrey: Georgie, go to the hardware store and buy a mop, Pine-Sol, some wire brushes.
Georgie: I can pick up that toilet seat while I'm at it.
Audrey: This is my second cup of coffee. Please hurry.

Audrey: Just think about it: a Mother's Day sale, all moms get half off.
Jim: We'd lose money.
Georgie: In the short term, but you'd gain clients who would come back, and not just on Mother's Day. You got your President's Day, your Labor Day, your Yom Kippur.