Audrey: Did you get me anything, honey?
Jim: Oh, you don't remember? I told you on the phone I was gonna get you something. You told me not to. You were very firm about it. Okay, I'm gonna unpack and hit the shower.

Jim: You know, Georgie's right, when you don't hear people laughing, it's hard to know what's funny. [Georgie and Mandy's First Marriage studio audience laughs]

Jim: Well, here's an idea, how about you take some night classes, brush up on your computer skills and get a nice, cushy office job?
Mandy: Office job? Why did I spend six years getting a degree in Communications?
Jim: I asked that question for six years.
Mandy: Well, I'm not giving up on my dream.
Audrey: No one's saying that.
Jim: I am.

Jim: Well, be careful. I own a timeshare in Florida 'cause the saleslady looked like Raquel Welch.
Georgie: I don't know who that is.
Jim: Oh, she was a knockout. Had curves in all the right places. She wore this fur bikini in a movie. Man, I still think about it.
Georgie: Fur bikini?
Ruben: Was she cold?
Jim: Get back to work. [exits]
Georgie: [snorts] "Curves in all the right places."
Ruben: Dude is old.

Audrey: Before you leave, would you take a look at the toilet in our bathroom?
Jim: Oh, you just have to jiggle the handle.
Audrey: I prefer not to jiggle, Jim.

Georgie: You'll be okay with CeeCee while I'm gone?
Mandy: Of course.
Audrey: Plus, Grandma's here.
Connor: And I can always lend a hand.
Jim: Have you ever even held a baby?
Connor: I've held an accordion. How different can it be?
Jim: You don't squeeze a baby.
Connor: Got it.

Georgie: It's kind of exciting, your dad talking about me taking over the store someday.
Mandy: Mm-hmm. You're gonna be the tire king of Medford.
Georgie: Forget Medford. I'm gonna be the tire king of Texas.
Mandy: And does the tire king of Texas still live with my parents?
Georgie: Hell no. He's got a giant house.
Mandy: Ooh. I like that.
Georgie: Oh, and a big old pool in the shape of a tire.
Mandy: So a circle.
Georgie: Well... yeah.