Georgie: [coughing]
Jim: Son, you got to go home.
Georgie: No, no, I'm fine. Just a little catnap.
Jim: Georgie, listen to me. The cat's dead. Go home.

Jim: You know, Georgie's right, when you don't hear people laughing, it's hard to know what's funny. [Georgie and Mandy's First Marriage studio audience laughs]

Jim: Well, here's an idea, how about you take some night classes, brush up on your computer skills and get a nice, cushy office job?
Mandy: Office job? Why did I spend six years getting a degree in Communications?
Jim: I asked that question for six years.
Mandy: Well, I'm not giving up on my dream.
Audrey: No one's saying that.
Jim: I am.

Jim: Well, be careful. I own a timeshare in Florida 'cause the saleslady looked like Raquel Welch.
Georgie: I don't know who that is.
Jim: Oh, she was a knockout. Had curves in all the right places. She wore this fur bikini in a movie. Man, I still think about it.
Georgie: Fur bikini?
Ruben: Was she cold?
Jim: Get back to work. [exits]
Georgie: [snorts] "Curves in all the right places."
Ruben: Dude is old.

Georgie: I'm fine. Besides, Cooper men don't take sick days. My dad once had his appendix out, he was at work later that afternoon.
Jim: Really?
Georgie: Yeah. I mean, he passed out in the teachers' lounge, but he passed out at work.
Jim: Son, I'm not sure you're taking the right lesson from that story.
Georgie: Sure I am. Tough it out.
Jim: No, I don't think so.

Jim: Ruben, you seen my son-in-law?
Ruben: You mean Typhoid Georgie? No.

Connor: Let's see what we're dealing with. [places the back of his hand on Georgie's forehead] Oh, yeah, that's a fever. I'm gonna say 102.
Georgie: You don't know that.
Connor: A rectal thermometer would be more precise. But I don't think you and I are there yet.