Jim: You know how to use the fabric softeners and whatnot?
Connor: There's instructions on the bottle.
Jim: Right. Good for you. So all these years your mother did your laundry, you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself?
Connor: Yes.
Jim: Why didn't you ever do it?
Connor: No one asked me.
Jim: So if I asked you to... clean the bathroom, do the dishes, take out the garbage, you would?
Connor: Yes.
Jim: [chuckles softly] Okay. Well, then... do those things.
Connor: Okay.
Jim: [quietly to himself] This is crazy.

Audrey: What's going on?
Mandy: My husband thinks I'm an idiot.
Georgie: No, I don't.
Mandy: You just think I suck at sales.
Georgie: Which don't make you an idiot.
Audrey: He's right. "Which don't."

Georgie: Mandy, selling is in my blood. It's what I do. Why can't you just let me help you?
Mandy: Because I wanted to do it on my own.
Georgie: That's just crazy. If I was trying to be a waitress in a diner, I'd ask you for help. Now, see, that right there, that is what an idiot sounds like.

Connor: Bathroom's clean. [goes to the kitchen]
Jim: Attaboy.
Audrey: What did you say to him?
Jim: I just asked.
Audrey: I don't know how I feel about this.
Jim: What's the problem?
Audrey: [sighs] I guess I'm just used to taking care of him.
Jim: Aw. 'Cause he's your baby boy?
Audrey: Yeah.
Jim: Hmm? Well, if it makes you feel any better, you can always take care of me.
Audrey: Oh, it's not the same!
Connor: [enters] Brought you a fresh one, Dad.
Jim: Thank you, son. [Connor exits] [chuckles softly] [to Audrey] It's a tough night for you, huh?

Georgie: Hey. How'd her checkup go?
Mandy: Great, good, she might need glasses. More importantly, I made a ton of sales and I did it all by myself.
Georgie: That's amazing.
Mandy: You're darn right it's amazing.

Mandy: What's that?
Georgie: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.
Mandy: You're kidding.
Georgie: They ain't really. It's just a metaphor.
Mandy: [chuckles] Yeah, I got it. Uh, why are you reading it?
Georgie: Well, I'm trying to be a better husband.
Mandy: You'd do that for me?
Georgie: I'd do anything for you.
Mandy: I didn't think that included reading a book.
Georgie: Not just any book a long-ass, boring one.

Georgie: Hey, you know the rule, whoever finishes the coffee's got to make more.
Ruben: That's the rule, huh?
Georgie: Yeah.
Ruben: And who made the rule?
Georgie: Well, uh, me.
Ruben: Cheers.
Georgie: Without rules, we got anarchy!

Jim: I need you to cover the store this weekend.
Georgie: Where are you gonna be?
Jim: Tire convention in New Orleans.
Georgie: And you ain't taking me?
Jim: Why would I?
Georgie: Well, a tire convention's like going to Dollywood, but better 'cause there's tires.

Georgie: So you told him?
Jim: No, that's why the door's shut.
Georgie: Well, I don't want to tell him.
Jim: Son, dealing with disgruntled employees is part of the job.
Georgie: Then why don't you do it?
Jim: Well, I'm dealing with you. You're disgruntled. I'm done.
Georgie: Fine.
Jim: This is good for you.
Georgie: You mean it's good for you.
Jim: Same thing.

Georgie: Ruben, just a heads-up. Mr. McAllister's going out of town, and he's leaving me in charge.
Ruben: That makes sense. You have been here several months.
Georgie: Just so you know, I don't even think of it as me being in charge. I think of us more as partners, like Tango and Cash.
Ruben: I don't know what that is.
Georgie: You ain't never seen Tango & Cash? Kurt Russell, Sylvester Stallone?
Ruben: Go make coffee.
Georgie: Yes, sir.

Mandy: Where you going?
Jim: New Orleans, tire convention.
Mandy: Oh. Are you taking Georgie?
Jim: Why would I?
Mandy: Why wouldn't you? He's great at networking, people like him.
Connor: I'm a fan.
Georgie: Thank you, Bubba.

Georgie: So can I?
Jim: You really want to?
Georgie: I do.
Jim: Okay, fine. I'll tell Ruben he has to run the shop.
Georgie: I'll tell him.
Jim: No, this is good news. Boss gets to give the good news.

Audrey: So, all these years, I've offered to go with you, and you've always said no.
Jim: Well, I just didn't think you'd care about a bunch of dudes talking about advances in tire treads.
Georgie: Goodyear's got this new Aquatred. It's designed to shed water twice as fast as a normal tire. It's something else.
Jim: See?

Georgie: "The Goodyear Regatta is a long-wearing, quiet-riding, touring radial. It has a wide tread for responsive handling."
Mandy: Are you reading her a tire catalogue?
Georgie: It ain't about the story. It's about the performance.

Georgie: It's gonna be hard to be away from her.
Mandy: What about me?
Georgie: It's different. You already got teeth and know how to walk.
Mandy: I am the whole package.

Jim: We're not going to the convention.
Georgie: Where we going?
Jim: To a riverboat casino.
Georgie: I don't understand.
Jim: Well, it's the same as a regular casino, only it floats.
Georgie: So this whole trip's a lie?
Jim: Not the whole trip. Just the part about the convention and us going to it.

Georgie: Well, why'd you even invite me?
Jim: Uh, I didn't invite you.
Georgie: What am I supposed to tell Mandy?
Jim: Just tell her that we went to a tire convention.
Georgie: I don't want to lie to my wife.
Jim: Oh, don't think of it as a lie.
Georgie: Then what is it?
Jim: It's more of a yarn, tall tale, you know, make-'em-ups.
Georgie: What?

Jim: Look, just don't tell Mandy! All right? She'll tell Audrey, and then I'm in for it.
Georgie: Oh, Mr. McAllister, this is not a good color on you.
Jim: Look, you're making too big a deal out of this. Okay? We're gonna have a great time. Look, no one gets hurt, and we can talk about tires all you want. Isn't that basically what happens at a convention?
Georgie: No!
Jim: Oh, how would you know? You ain't never been to one.

Audrey: Ooh. What happened here?
Mandy: CeeCee and I had a disagreement over lunch. I wanted it in her mouth, she thought otherwise.
Audrey: You've got some banana in your hair.
Mandy: Oh, no, that's from breakfast, but thank you.

Audrey: Hey, when you're done, would you like to go clothes shopping with me?
Mandy: Oh. What's the occasion?
Audrey: Well, the boys are out having fun. Why shouldn't we?
Mandy: I don't know if I'd call a tire convention fun.
Audrey: Oh, Amanda, there's no tire convention. The boys are going to a riverboat casino to gamble.
Mandy: What are you talking about?
Audrey: Well, your father does this every year. He thinks I don't know.
Mandy: Wait. I don't understand. If you know he's lying, why aren't you calling him on it?
Audrey: Well, I considered that, but then I realized, I get a weekend to myself. And someday, if we ever have a bad fight, I can use this to crush him.
Mandy: That is really sick.
Audrey: Thank you.