Audrey: So, all these years, I've offered to go with you, and you've always said no.
Jim: Well, I just didn't think you'd care about a bunch of dudes talking about advances in tire treads.
Georgie: Goodyear's got this new Aquatred. It's designed to shed water twice as fast as a normal tire. It's something else.
Jim: See?

Georgie: "The Goodyear Regatta is a long-wearing, quiet-riding, touring radial. It has a wide tread for responsive handling."
Mandy: Are you reading her a tire catalogue?
Georgie: It ain't about the story. It's about the performance.

Georgie: It's gonna be hard to be away from her.
Mandy: What about me?
Georgie: It's different. You already got teeth and know how to walk.
Mandy: I am the whole package.

Jim: We're not going to the convention.
Georgie: Where we going?
Jim: To a riverboat casino.
Georgie: I don't understand.
Jim: Well, it's the same as a regular casino, only it floats.
Georgie: So this whole trip's a lie?
Jim: Not the whole trip. Just the part about the convention and us going to it.

Georgie: Well, why'd you even invite me?
Jim: Uh, I didn't invite you.
Georgie: What am I supposed to tell Mandy?
Jim: Just tell her that we went to a tire convention.
Georgie: I don't want to lie to my wife.
Jim: Oh, don't think of it as a lie.
Georgie: Then what is it?
Jim: It's more of a yarn, tall tale, you know, make-'em-ups.
Georgie: What?

Jim: Look, just don't tell Mandy! All right? She'll tell Audrey, and then I'm in for it.
Georgie: Oh, Mr. McAllister, this is not a good color on you.
Jim: Look, you're making too big a deal out of this. Okay? We're gonna have a great time. Look, no one gets hurt, and we can talk about tires all you want. Isn't that basically what happens at a convention?
Georgie: No!
Jim: Oh, how would you know? You ain't never been to one.

Audrey: Ooh. What happened here?
Mandy: CeeCee and I had a disagreement over lunch. I wanted it in her mouth, she thought otherwise.
Audrey: You've got some banana in your hair.
Mandy: Oh, no, that's from breakfast, but thank you.

Audrey: Hey, when you're done, would you like to go clothes shopping with me?
Mandy: Oh. What's the occasion?
Audrey: Well, the boys are out having fun. Why shouldn't we?
Mandy: I don't know if I'd call a tire convention fun.
Audrey: Oh, Amanda, there's no tire convention. The boys are going to a riverboat casino to gamble.
Mandy: What are you talking about?
Audrey: Well, your father does this every year. He thinks I don't know.
Mandy: Wait. I don't understand. If you know he's lying, why aren't you calling him on it?
Audrey: Well, I considered that, but then I realized, I get a weekend to myself. And someday, if we ever have a bad fight, I can use this to crush him.
Mandy: That is really sick.
Audrey: Thank you.

Mandy: Wait. Does Georgie know? No. No, he doesn't know. He wouldn't lie to me like that.
Audrey: Well, maybe, maybe not. Oh, what happened when you first met? Something about his age?
Mandy: That was different. He only lied to have sex with me.
Audrey: How is that better?
Mandy: Didn't say better. I said different.

Georgie: If I'm gonna do this, we got to get our story straight.
Jim: There were tires, we saw them, the story is straight.
Georgie: What if Mandy asks for more details?
Jim: Well, that's the great thing about tires. No one ever wants to hear about 'em.

Georgie: It's not just about tires. Did we go to dinner with any sales reps?
Jim: Sure.
Georgie: Where'd they take us?
Jim: I don't know. Steakhouse.
Georgie: What did we get?
Jim: I had a shrimp cocktail and a salad.
Georgie: No one's gonna believe you ordered a salad!

Georgie: She's gonna figure it out!
Jim: Listen, I've been doing this for ten years. Audrey has no idea.
[cut to Audrey driving with Mandy back in Medford:]
Mandy: How long have you known?
Audrey: About ten years.
Mandy: Why didn't you tell me before they left?
Audrey: I didn't want to give up my weekend.
Mandy: [scoffs] Or did you want to see if Georgie would lie to me?
Audrey: No, that's just gravy.

Mandy: Well, I'm sure he's gonna tell me the truth.
Audrey: Exciting, isn't it?
Mandy: When he calls to check in, I'm gonna tell him.
Audrey: You will not. Then your father will know that I know.
Mandy: But you're also lying to him, because you know he's lying to you.
Audrey: It's not lying to let him think that I think his lie is the truth when the truth is, I know it's a lie.
Mandy: Okay, I don't follow, but I'm pretty sure I disagree!

Georgie: What if I win money? Where do I tell Mandy it came from?
Jim: You don't tell her.
Georgie: So another lie.
Jim: No, it... it's the same lie. Just buy her something nice, she won't ask where the money came from.
Georgie: Okay, I guess I can do this.
Jim: Attaboy.
Georgie: We just need to nail down what we ordered at the steakhouse.
Jim: Oh, my God. We had steaks!
Georgie: That's good. Steaks.

Audrey: I wish you would've let me buy you something.
Mandy: Well, I said I liked that striped top.
Audrey: I meant something you looked good in.

Audrey: You know what'd be fun? Let's you and me go out and have a drink.
Mandy: Uh, hello, I have a baby.
Audrey: I know, but Connor can watch CeeCee for an hour or two.
Mandy: Uh...
Audrey: Come on, I'm buying.
Mandy: Fine.
Audrey: Great! We can tell people we're sisters.

Audrey: You know, in all these years I don't think we've ever had a drink together.
Mandy: Well, I used to steal out of your liquor cabinet. Does that count?
Audrey: You know what I mean.

Mandy: I don't think I've ever seen you drink a beer before.
Audrey: Mm, you didn't know me in high school.
Mandy: Oh, really, were you the bad girl at the sock hop?
Audrey: Don't make fun of sock hops. I had my first kiss at the sock hop.
Mandy: Ooh, in the backseat of a car?
Audrey: No, in the front seat. I was a good girl.

Audrey: Are you really worried about us? Or is this about you and Georgie?
Mandy: Um, I don't know, I guess a little of both.
Audrey: You know I haven't always been his biggest fan, but I have to admit he's a good husband.
Mandy: Wow. I like half-a-beer Audrey.
Audrey: Enjoy it. Full-beer Audrey might dance on the bar.
Mandy: [to the bartender] Can we get another round?

Jim: What ya thinking? Hold 'em, blackjack, craps?
Georgie: Doesn't matter, whatever you want.
Jim: Oh, quit your moping.
Georgie: I ain't moping, I'm fretting.
Jim: What's the difference?
Georgie: "Moping" is sad about yesterday. "Fretting" is sad about tomorrow.
Jim: That's heavy.