Audrey: Have you seen that new Friends show?
Mandy: No.
Audrey: All they do is drink coffee. Who can drink that much coffee?
Mandy: I don't know.
Audrey: And their mugs are like soup bowls. Is that a New York thing?
Mandy: Mom, I don't know.
Audrey: I miss Cosby. He was a nice family man.

Georgie: [on the phone] Yeah, a water pump for the '66 Mustang. You got one? Great. I want it. Well, how much is he paying? I'll pay 20 more. I can hold.
[meanwhile, in Jim's office:]
Jim: [answers phone] McAllister's. What? We had a deal. 20 more? Trying to jack up the price. Yes, I still want it.
Georgie: Oh, really? Well, I'll go another 20.
Jim: All right, enough nickel-and-diming. 50 more and that's my final offer.
Georgie: What kind of idiot's gonna pay that much for an old water pump? Fine, let him have it. [hangs up] Sucker.
Jim: [opens door] Georgie, great news. I got the water pump.
Georgie: Sweet. I almost had one, but the guy tried to rip me off.
Jim: Joke's on him.
Georgie: You're darn right.

Jim: Carburetor needs to be rebuilt, the brakes are gone, transmission's cracked, and last I looked, there's a family of rats living in the radiator.
Georgie: So all we need is some elbow grease, a little bit of cheese, and she'll be good as new.
Jim: I wish I had your confidence.
Georgie: I'll loan you some. I got plenty to spare.
Jim: I don't know, now that I'm looking at it, maybe the smart play is just sell it to a junkyard and admit defeat.
Georgie: That sure would make Mrs. McAllister happy. She does enjoy being right.
Jim: Pop the hood. Let's have a look.
Georgie: Now we're talking. Look at that... good news already.
Jim: What?
Georgie: Your rats are dead.

Georgie: You know, an old Mustang can be worth a lot of money if we fix her up.
Audrey: Yes, fix her, sell her and give me my garage back.
Mandy: Hey, do you know anything about fixing cars?
Georgie: I didn't know anything about fixing sprinklers till about ten minutes ago. What do you think?
Jim: Well, it would be fun to get her running. I don't know about selling it, though.
Georgie: Then we don't.
Audrey: If you sell it, I'll give you half.
Georgie: I think we should sell it.

Georgie: Hey, what's up with that old Mustang in the garage?
Audrey: Ooh, that's a good question, Jim.
Jim: I'm gonna fix it.
Audrey: You've been saying that for years.
Georgie: What's going on?
Mandy: Dad bought the car at a police auction. Mom hates it. You're all caught up.
Audrey: That thing will never run.
Georgie: Yes, it will.
Audrey: Oh, please. There's a better chance I'll see you run.

Georgie: Lawn's all mowed, and the sprinkler's fixed.
Jim: I didn't know it was broken.
Georgie: Wasn't till I ran over it with the lawn mower.

Audrey: I was thinking of taking CeeCee with me to the mall today.
Mandy: Oh, that'd be a huge help. Thanks.
Audrey: You hear that, sweetheart? Just you and Grandma.
Mandy: Wait a minute. We discussed this. You're not getting her ears pierced.
Audrey: Oh, come on. People keep thinking she's a boy.
Mandy: I don't care.
Audrey: She won't remember it.
Mandy: Yes, she will, 'cause it's the last time she'll ever see her grandma.
Audrey: Fine.
Jim: While you're there, I could use some socks.
Audrey: I'm not going anymore.

Valerie: Could I tell you something? I think my flat tire was no accident.
Georgie: What are you saying? You put a nail in your own tire?
Valerie: I think God did it, to bring you here.
Georgie: Well, if that's true, I'm glad he did.
Valerie: Me, too. [kisses Georgie]
Georgie: Whoa, I'm a married man.
Mandy: You sure are! Move. [slaps Valerie] Let's go, married man.
Georgie: You saw me pull away, right?
Mandy: It's the only reason you're still standing.

Valerie: So, what'd you think of Bible study?
Georgie: It's hard to believe, but I liked it.
Valerie: Why is that hard to believe?
Georgie: Well, it's got the words "Bible" and "study" right there in the name.

Valerie: Georgie, you've been awful quiet. Is there anything you'd like to say before we wrap it up?
Georgie: Oh, uh, yeah. I would like to thank you all for being so welcoming. I haven't been hugged this much since I was on the high school wrestling team. Oh, before I forget... Here's my business card. McAllister Auto. We offer 24-hour towing and all your tire needs. Just give them this card and you'll get ten percent off our already low, low prices.
Valerie: That it?
Georgie: Oh. Amen.

Audrey: Where you going?
Mandy: To tell my husband I love and support him, no matter what he chooses to do.
Audrey: I think that's a mistake.
Mandy: Yeah, that's why I'm doing it.

Audrey: I just think Georgie should be using what little free time he has to be with his wife and daughter.
Mandy: [sighs] I don't disagree.
Audrey: So you agree.
Mandy: That's not what I said.
Audrey: If your father was doing something that made me uncomfortable, I would make sure he knew about it.
Mandy: God, I am turning into you.
Audrey: Aw.
Mandy: No, it's not a good thing.

Audrey: Will Georgie be joining us for dinner?
Mandy: Uh, no, he's at Bible study.
Audrey: Oh. I do hope he isn't turning into his mother.
Mandy: That is a terrible thing to say.
Audrey: No matter how hard we fight it, at some point we all turn into our parents.
Mandy: Yeah, well, I'm turning into Dad.
Audrey: Too late, blondie.

Jim: Well, be careful. I own a timeshare in Florida 'cause the saleslady looked like Raquel Welch.
Georgie: I don't know who that is.
Jim: Oh, she was a knockout. Had curves in all the right places. She wore this fur bikini in a movie. Man, I still think about it.
Georgie: Fur bikini?
Ruben: Was she cold?
Jim: Get back to work. [exits]
Georgie: [snorts] "Curves in all the right places."
Ruben: Dude is old.

Georgie: I don't care about her.
Jim: Care about who?
Georgie: The woman who invited me to church.
Ruben: The hot woman. Baywatch hot.
Jim: Care to explain?
Georgie: Yeah, she's attractive.
Ruben: Muy fuego.
Georgie: But it don't matter 'cause we're just friends.
Jim: So you're not doing something dumb?
Georgie: Oh, I do dumb stuff all the time, just not this.

Georgie: Hey. Still waiting on them brakes?
Ruben: Want it done fast or you want 'em done right?
Georgie: Well, I want 'em done now.
Ruben: [chuckles] Aw, like a big lion practicing his roar.
Georgie: I ain't in the mood, Ruben. [Ruben meows] Quit it.
Ruben: [chuckles] Trouble at home? Wife find out about the hot church lady?
Georgie: No.
Ruben: Keeping her a secret? Smart.

Georgie: I'm just saying a lot of what they preach makes sense.
Mandy: Ugh, you're starting to sound like your mom.
Georgie: What the heck's that supposed to mean?
Mandy: Oh, calm down, I love her, but... you know, when it comes to the church, she's a little bit of a...
Georgie: A little bit of a what?
Mandy: Hang on, I'm trying to think of a word that isn't "nutjob."
Georgie: Nutjob? If I were you, I wouldn't start comparing moms.
Mandy: [scoffs] What's that mean?
Georgie: Hang on, I'm trying to think of a word that isn't "bitch." [Mandy gasps] Where you going? I thought we were gonna fool around.
Mandy: Pray for it, see what happens.

Georgie: You know, there's a Bible study Wednesday. You want to come?
Mandy: Oh, wow, we really need to work on your dirty talk.
Georgie: [chuckles] Sorry, I just think you really might like it.
Mandy: Thanks, but I don't need to watch you sell tires to a bunch of Bible thumpers.
Georgie: It ain't about that. It's actually kind of working.
Mandy: W-What are you talking about?
Georgie: I'm making more money and you want to have day sex. That's everything I've ever prayed for.

Georgie: I see what's going on. I get a raise, you can't keep your hands off of me.
Mandy: You got a problem with that?
Georgie: No, you're right, I'm way more sexy.
Mandy: [laughs] Well, I'm really proud of you.

Jim: Giving him a cut only motivates him to make more.
Audrey: Keeping him hungry motivates him more.
Jim: Now, you see, that is the kind of thinking that makes Communism appealing.
Georgie: You sure we shouldn't jump in?
Mandy: Shh, we're close.
Audrey: Did you just call me a Communist?
Jim: I'm just saying a good American would pay him what he's worth.
Mandy: There it is.
Audrey: Fine, pay him whatever you want.
Mandy: And that's how I got a Jeep Cherokee.