Georgie: [sighs] I thought you might like a little baby time.
Mary Cooper: I would.
Georgie: But first... I need you to fix this mess with Audrey.
Mary Cooper: I'm not the one who needs to fix it.
Georgie: Last time she tried, didn't go so great.
Mary Cooper: That's her fault.
Georgie: I don't care. You two fighting's got to stop.
Mary Cooper: This has nothing to do with you.
Georgie: Yes, it does. I'm sleeping on the couch 'cause of y'all. I woke up at, like, 1 in the morning, some weird guy named "Conan" was on TV.

Pastor Jeff: O-Okay, okay, rather than focusing on past transgressions, why don't we find a path forward? A means by which this family can return to God's grace.
Audrey: Well, I am returning home.
Mary Cooper: Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!
Pastor Jeff: Mary!

Audrey: What am I looking at?
Georgie: The Grandmother Agreement. I typed it up.
Mandy: And I fixed the spelling.
Georgie: Anyways, it's a contract. Sheldon used to make these when people weren't getting along.
Mary Cooper: "CeeCee will spend the night at the Cooper house twice a month." I like that.
Audrey: Ooh, and I get doctor's appointments.
Georgie: Which you will lose if...
Audrey: If I refer to Mary as "that woman," or "that kook" or... I prefer not to say this one out loud.
Mandy: And same goes for you... no name-calling, or "bless your hearts." We all know what that means.
Mary Cooper: Fine.

Georgie: You know, when you think about it... [Mandy slaps Georgie's arm] Best not to think about it.

Georgie: Your dad's being a jerk.
Mandy: Maybe, but we still have to live under his roof. At least until we make some money.
Georgie: Don't worry about money. I'll get another job.
Mandy: You sure about that?
Georgie: Positive. Before you know it, we'll be in a giant house of our own.
Mandy: Right, the one with the pool shaped like a tire.
Georgie: Exactly.
Mandy: Which is just a circle.
Georgie: There's a hot tub in the middle. It'll make sense when you see it.

Jim: You're workin' for Fagenbacher?
Georgie: What can I say? He knows talent when he sees it.
Audrey: Freddy gave you a job?
Mandy: Please don't say "Freddy" and "job" in the same sentence.

Ruben: [whistling a tune] Lincoln's done.
Jim: Great. Get started on the Caddy.
Ruben: Yeah. Before that, how about we talk about my raise?
Jim: What makes you think you're getting a raise?
Ruben: [chuckles] I mean, look around. I'm all you got.
Jim: Really? You're gonna use this whole Georgie situation to squeeze me?
Ruben: I thought that was clear, yes.
Jim: I'll take it under consideration.
Ruben: Don't take too long. I hear Fagenbacher's hiring. [short chuckle] [whistling a tune]
Jim: Quit whistling.
Ruben: No.

Audrey: Pretty impressive waiting on all these tables by herself.
Jim: Oh, that's not a surprise, she has six years of college.

Georgie: I'm fine. Besides, Cooper men don't take sick days. My dad once had his appendix out, he was at work later that afternoon.
Jim: Really?
Georgie: Yeah. I mean, he passed out in the teachers' lounge, but he passed out at work.
Jim: Son, I'm not sure you're taking the right lesson from that story.
Georgie: Sure I am. Tough it out.
Jim: No, I don't think so.

Jim: Ruben, you seen my son-in-law?
Ruben: You mean Typhoid Georgie? No.

Connor: Let's see what we're dealing with. [places the back of his hand on Georgie's forehead] Oh, yeah, that's a fever. I'm gonna say 102.
Georgie: You don't know that.
Connor: A rectal thermometer would be more precise. But I don't think you and I are there yet.

Connor: At least take some ibuprofen, bring your temperature down.
Georgie: Okay.
Connor: We also need to run the shower, get some steam going, break up the congestion, and while it's a little outside the medical mainstream, two fingers of Kentucky bourbon to help you sleep.
Georgie: Your mom teach you all that?
Connor: No, I watched an episode of The Golden Girls where Rose caught a doozy of a cold. Really messed with Blanche's date that night.
Georgie: That's a good show.
Connor: [chuckles] They're old, but full of life. [Georgie coughs] You go to bed, Rose. Sophia's on the case.

Audrey: Amanda, the job is look pretty, smile and point.
Mandy: There's a little more to it than that.
Audrey: Like what?
Mandy: Well, what you're pointing at is actually behind you, and it's not really there, it's a special effect called a green screen. And you can't smile if you're talking about a tornado ripping a trailer park to shreds. You look like a psychopath.
Audrey: All right.
Mandy: And you have to have easy banter with the sports guy, even though off camera, he's a little handsy.
Audrey: Sure.
Mandy: And if it looks easy, the only reason is because people like me make it look easy.
Audrey: Got it.
Mandy: [scoffs] "Smile and point." I'm not Vanna White.

[dream sequence:]
George Sr.: So, how's my granddaughter doing?
Georgie: Amazing. Walking, talking. [chuckles] She tried to eat a pickle the other day. You should have seen the faces she was making.
George Sr.: You ate a tub of Vaseline once.
Georgie: Why'd I do that?
George Sr.: Hungry? Dumb? Who could say? Why aren't you at work?
Georgie: I'm sick.
George Sr.: Well, la-dee-da. Aren't you the delicate flower? When I was 19, I didn't take sick days. 'Course, I was in Vietnam.
Georgie: Really? You didn't get sick days in the Army?
George Sr.: Nah, that's for them mama's boys in the Navy.

[dream sequence:]
Georgie: Did you ever miss a day of work?
George Sr.: Yeah, when I had my first heart attack. Did you have a heart attack?
Georgie: No, sir, just runny nose, scratchy throat.
George Sr.: Oh, serious.
Georgie: And a fever. 102.
George Sr.: Poor baby. Should I sing you "Soft Kitty?"
Georgie: I'm going back.
George Sr.: Good man. [Georgie stands up and hugs his father] What you doing?
Georgie: Hugging you.
[When Georgie pulls back and looks up at his father, George Sr. looks like a rotting zombie]
George Sr.: Get to work!
[reality: Georgie gasps as he wakes up, sweaty in bed]

Audrey: It's gonna go great.
Mandy: Yeah, I think so, too.
Audrey: So, are you feeling more confident about all this?
Mandy: Yeah. Yeah, I can do this. You know, I bet it goes so well that they ask me to fill in again next week. And then they'll probably recommend me to the affiliate in Houston, and... and then they'll offer me the job and I'll have to tell Georgie we need to move and he's not gonna want to and it's gonna be a huge fight and I don't want to move CeeCee away from her grandparents but this is my dream job! [goes back into the dressing room]
Audrey: Look at the bright side: maybe you'll stink.

Audrey: You're taking care of him?
Connor: Trying to. He is not an easy patient.
Audrey: Did you threaten him with the thermometer?
Connor: I had to.
Audrey: Always worked with you.

[dream sequence:]
George Sr.: Morning.
Georgie: Yeah, good morning.
George Sr.: Something wrong?
Georgie: Yeah. I'm worried if I work myself into the ground, I won't be around for my daughter.
George Sr.: I get that.
Georgie: 'Cause I want to be there when she has kids.
George Sr.: Well, hopefully it's a lot later than when you had kids.
Georgie: From your mouth to God's ears.
George Sr.: I did a good job raising you.
Georgie: You did.
George Sr.: Wasn't easy, 'cause you were a pain in the ass.
Georgie: I thought we were having a moment.
George Sr.: We are, son.

Ruben: Why are you reading Cosmo?
Georgie: Trying to learn how women think. Did you know there's a lot of dirty stuff in here?
Ruben: Are there pictures?
Georgie: Sometimes.
Ruben: Hmm.
Georgie: Listen to this, "The Health Benefits of Sex." "Travels in His... Erogenous Zone"? I don't know what that is.

Georgie: I figure, with just a few changes, we could be the only woman-friendly tire store in town.
Mandy: This ought to be good. What changes?
Georgie: For starters, we got some lady magazines for the waiting area.
Jim: And flavored creamers for the coffee.
Georgie: Fat-free. Y'all like fat-free.