Mandy: After all the crap she's given you, I can't believe you're siding with her over your poor, widowed mother.
Georgie: My poor, widowed mother could have accepted her apology, and this'd be all over.
Mandy: Oh, just forget it. Let's go to sleep.
Georgie: Gladly.
Mandy: You know, it's not fair to be mad at you.
Georgie: Thank you.
Mandy: I saw a thing on TV that the human brain isn't fully formed till 25, so I have to assume that's what's going on here.
Georgie: Yeah? Well, I saw a thing on TV about early-onset menopause. Maybe that's what's going on here.
[cut to Georgie preparing the couch to sleep on]

Connor: Trouble with the little woman?
Georgie: Go to bed, Connor.
Connor: I was hoping to watch my friend Jay Leno.
Georgie: Fine.
Jay Leno: [on TV] Had some of the green donuts, had some of the green coffee...
Georgie: Just so you know, this ain't a big deal. Your sister and I'll work it out.
Connor: Do you mind? [laughter on TV] [laughs] This guy. [laughs]
Jay Leno: [on TV] Pots of gold...
Georgie: You gonna watch the whole show?
Connor: Uh, normally, I'd go to sleep after the monologue, but Sinbad's on. [laughing loudly] Oh, Jay, you're the best.

Georgie: Look who I brought!
Mary Cooper: Oh, there's my favorite girl!
Georgie: I won't tell Missy.
Mary Cooper: Oh. After the tattoo, she's not even top three.

Pastor Jeff: Coopers. Couldn't help overhear the bickering and thought perhaps I could put on my counseling hat.
Mary Cooper: I was just betrayed by my own son.
Georgie: I didn't betray you.
Mary Cooper: Judas!
Pastor Jeff: Whoa. Mary, that's a little rough.
Georgie: How am I like the guy who ended up in the whale? [Mary scoffs]
Pastor Jeff: That was Jonah.
Georgie: Oh, right. Judas, Jonah, Jesus. Lot of "J" s.

Pastor Jeff: Now, Georgie, I know you're upset, but the Bible's pretty clear about how you should treat your parents.
Mary Cooper: It's "honor your mother," not "honor your mother-in-law."
Pastor Jeff: Mary.
Georgie: I get that, but I also made a vow to my wife who has a mother herself.
Mary Cooper: Oh, she's a mother, all right.
Pastor Jeff: Mary! Now, as I was saying, you do need to honor your wife, as well.
Mary Cooper: Who, for the record, is on my side.
Georgie: Only 'cause she don't want to be on her mom's side!
Mary Cooper: Because that woman is a monster. She left me out of CeeCee's "My First Photo Album."
Pastor Jeff: So she's a monster, and he's a Judas because of a baby's photo album?
Mary Cooper: You had to be there.

Georgie: She tried to apologize to you, and you wouldn't have it.
Mary Cooper: Apology, my sweet patootie.
Pastor Jeff: Mary, language.
Georgie: You can't say "patootie"?
Pastor Jeff: Maybe we should invite your mother-in-law to be a part of this conversation.
Mary Cooper: Tell her she's wrong to her face. I like it.

Audrey: I don't understand why I have to be here.
Mary Cooper: You're about to. Let her have it.
Pastor Jeff: No one's letting anyone have it.
Audrey: I already apologized once, I'm not doing it again.
Mary Cooper: You sure? You could really use the practice.

Pastor Jeff: Now, as I'm sure y'all know, the Bible teaches us that a house divided cannot stand.
Georgie: Great, so how do we un-divide it?
Pastor Jeff: Love.
Audrey: Well, that's just a bunch of Baptist baloney.
Mary Cooper: You hear this? Blasphemy!
Pastor Jeff: Mary, take it down a notch.
Audrey: Ha.
Pastor Jeff: And Audrey, if you could please show a little respect.
Mary Cooper: Hmm.

Pastor Jeff: Mandy, Georgie, why don't we discuss how to improve your relationship with each other and the Lord?
Mandy: Oh, I forgive you. Let's go.
Georgie: Sweet! [both exit]
Pastor Jeff: I'm gonna call that one a win.

Mary Cooper: Just one question. If she dies, do I get her CeeCee time?
Georgie: Mom!
Mary Cooper: We'll cross that bridge when we get there. [Mary and Audrey sign the contracts]
Georgie: Look at that... one big happy family.
Audrey: Yeah, right.
Mandy: Oh, at least let the ink dry!

Audrey: [CeeCee fussing] Sounds like nap time.
Mary Cooper: I got this. [exits with CeeCee]
Georgie: Dang, swooped her up like a pelican.

Audrey: Hmm. That's funny. Did you put a picture of your mom in CeeCee's photo album?
Georgie: No.
Audrey: Well, there's one here.
Mandy: So?
Audrey: So, while no one was looking, she slipped in a picture of her holding CeeCee.
Mandy: Oh, does it matter?
Audrey: Not really. [chuckles] Just a little passive-aggressive.
Mandy: More passive-aggressive than you making a family photo album and leaving her out?
Audrey: I didn't have any pictures of her.
Mandy: Well, now you do. Yay.
Georgie: Boy, those folks at Sears take a nice picture.

Audrey: Um, Mary...
Mandy: Let it go.
Audrey: Did you put this picture in CeeCee's album?
Mandy: Ugh.
Mary Cooper: I did.
Georgie: Mystery solved. Who wants lunch? I'm thinking grilled cheese.

Audrey: [chuckles] Is there anything else you've hidden around my house that I should be aware of?
Mary Cooper: I just wanted to remind CeeCee that she has two grandmothers.
Mandy: Yes, lucky girl, two loving grandmas.
Georgie: Lucky, lucky.
Audrey: You know, you can keep a photo album at your house and put whatever you want in it.
Mary Cooper: She never comes to my house.
Audrey: How is that my fault?
Mary Cooper: You're always hogging her.
Audrey: Hogging? I gave her and her parents a place to live.
Georgie: And a lovely place it is.

Audrey: And then she acted like I was the bad guy. [laughs]
Jim: Okay.
Audrey: What does "okay" mean?
Jim: Means I'm listening.
Audrey: No, you're supposed to say, "Of course you're not the bad guy."
Jim: Okay.
Audrey: Just tell me what you really think.
Jim: Fine. I think you started this when you left her out of the photo book.
Audrey: Well, who cares what you think.

Georgie: I don't know, your mom was pretty upset about one little picture.
Mandy: Yeah, true, but you have to admit it was kind of weird that she smuggled it into the house.
Georgie: [chuckles] I guess. But to be fair, your mom does exclude her.
Mandy: Well, it's not intentional. We're just here with the baby.
Georgie: I'm just saying, I can understand where my mom's coming from.
Mandy: Yeah, and I can understand where my mom is coming from.
Georgie: Wow.
Mandy: Wow what?
Georgie: I've never heard you take her side in anything.
Mandy: [scoffs] I'm not taking her side. I'm just seeing things as they are.

Georgie: You trying to pick a fight with me?
Mandy: No.
Georgie: Sure feels that way.
Mandy: Well, I'm not.
Georgie: So we're good?
Mandy: Oh, we're good. Good night. [faces away from Georgie]
Georgie: Good night. [faces away from Mandy]
Mandy: Love you.
Georgie: Love you, too. [turns off the light]

Pastor Jeff: [enters] Mary, can you... Oh. Sorry. Didn't know you had company.
Mary Cooper: You remember Georgie's mother-in-law, Audrey.
Pastor Jeff: Of course. So what're you two gals gabbing about?
Mary Cooper: Audrey just came by to tell me how fragile and needy I've been since George died.
Audrey: No, I came to apologize.
Mary Cooper: Because you feel bad for me.
Audrey: Well, I don't anymore!
Mary Cooper: Do you believe this woman?
Pastor Jeff: ... I believe in the power of prayer. What do you say we all join hands and ask the big amigo for His guidance? [Jeff holds out his hands, but Audrey and Mary both ignore his request] Amen. [laughs] [exits]

Audrey: Georgie, I want you to know I went to see your mother today.
Georgie: Really? Why?
Audrey: At Jim's urging, I apologized for my behavior.
Jim: That's my girl.
Audrey: However... [Jim groans] ...she threw it back in my face.

Mandy: Well, hold on. What did you say?
Audrey: I said I'm sorry.
Mandy: Yeah, but how did you say it?
Audrey: Why do you immediately assume I'm in the wrong?
Jim: Yeah.
Audrey: Too late, Jim.